Have I mentioned a Filament magazine yet?
The quarterly women’s magazine inspired by the rocket science that women have brains and eyes.
I read it sometimes, especially that I consider myself having both.
And some time ago my attention caught this article:

“A beginner’s guide to pegging”

 

In 2001 Dan Savage, irreverent sex and relationships advice columnist from Seattle’s The Stranger, ran a competition to name the sexual practice where a woman anally penetrates a man with a strap-on dildo. Other front-runners included bobbing and punting, but it was pegging that crossed the line first in the end.  As it were.

Naming gives legitimacy, and perhaps because of this, hetero strap-on-sex is  becoming more widely talked about, if not more widely practised.  Pegging features in a storyline of the television series Weeds and the lyrics of the Peaches song Back it up, boys.

There is no right or wrong way to have sex, and no step-by-step guide will get you where you want to go all the time.  Its always about figuring out what’s right for both of you at the time.

 

Three common questions

 

Is pegging female domination?

Pegging is as much about domination and submission as any sex – it depends on what you both want.  There are ways to peg where the woman is in control, where the man is in control and where control is shared equally.  For example, when the man is on top, he can control the speed and angle of penetration.

 Why would a man want to be pegged?

Pure physical sensation is a common reason.  Pegging is an excellent way to stimulate the prostate gland, which can be hard to reach with fingers alone.  Other men are specifically looking to be dominated,  and still others just want to try something new and different.  Pegging can also be a compelling exercise of trust and intimacy that couples fine communicates more than words.

If a guy wants to be pegged, doesn’t that mean he’s gay?

Being gay means wanting to have a emotional or physical relationship with another man.  It has nothing to do with having something up your bottom.

Enough of that.  Lets get started.

1. Raise the Issue.

Your getting off lightly if he raised it first, and you replied coyly, ‘How about tonight?’  If its been kicking around in your head for a while and you don’t quite know how to knock on his back door, there are several ways to the hint without pressuring him.

Appeal to physical pleasure

‘his P-spot is the male equivalent of the G-spot, and by ignoring it, he’s seriously missing out. When stimulated it can lead to really intense orgasms.  To find his P-spot, have him lie on his back,  and insert well lubed finger, palm up, almost all the way in, curve the finger in a ‘come hither’ gesture and massage firmly.’

-Em & Lo, EMandLO.com

Talk equality

‘You know how you mentioned fancying anal sex? You’re up for receiving, too, right?’

Tit-for-tat sex rather defeats the purpose of sex, but there is never any harm in pointing out that there’s a very reasonable equivalent of any other stuff that might be going down.

Little white lies

‘I had a dream that I was pegging you – isn’t that crazy? It was kinda hot though.’

I have heard of a woman who produced this line in an instant messaging conversation, to which boyfriend replied, ‘that would be nice.’  Assuming that he knew what pegging was, or at least head consulted Wikipedia, they discussed this future activity, including her indicating she’d acquire  the necessary kit.  It then became evident that he’d assumed pegging was some newfangled word for regular sex.  He decide to give it a go all the same and apparently they both had a nice time.

 

 

2  Start Simple

 

There’s no need to jump right into the strap-on-action.  Get some water-based lube and a few pairs of rubber gloves, and try a bit of manual prostate stimulation alongside, for example, oral sex or a hand job.

Buying rubber gloves is a science in itself, as most pharmacies only stock ‘one size’ which many women find their hands swim in.  If you ask the pharmacist if they stock a smaller size, you invariably get asked just what you want these rubber gloves for.  Points for sharing. Several online retailers sell hundred packs in any size if you want to avoid the unnecessary enquiry.

Some people like to try butt plugs or anal beads at this point too, which is entirely according to taste.

 3. Acquire your kit.

 

If you both want to move on to something more exotic, you’ll need to acquire your strap-on.  Strap-ons involve two parts: harness and dildo.
<or come as an integral one piece. JL>

Good sex shops should let you try on harnesses, and you should expect to pay £30-£50.  Make sure that the harness feels comfortable, sturdy and allows the dildo to point in a direction that’s likely to be useful – cheaper harnesses may point your dildo downward which makes it harder to control.  Some harnesses have a pouch inside to add a vibrating object for extra sensation for you. <or another sort of surprise – vaginal and anal dildo for the harness wearer – extra bonus! JL>

Dildos, sometimes called dongs, fall into a similar price range.  For first-time pegging choose a smooth-surfaced, modestly-sized  number.  In the words of one man, ‘The anus is the body’s magnifying glass: everything that goes into it appears to be twice its natural size.’

Silicone is popular for dildos because it is easy to clean, hard to damage and its very unlikely that someone will be allergic to it.  However, silicone dildos tend to be significantly more expensive.  Rubber dongs can be acquired for around £20.  Once again, make sure you’ve got enough water-based lube.  You might also find that condoms and anti-bacterial wipes make clean-up easier. <I have selected for my BDSM store latex and silicone dildos. JL>

 

4. Assume the position

 

It can be fun to put your harness on before you get right into the pegging.  This makes for a nice promise of something more intense to come as you start with lubing up and the now-familiar anal play.

Many couple find that male-on-top is the best position to start with, as having no sensation in the operative part makes controlling placement more difficult for the woman.  If you do want to go for something where you have complete control, a doggy style position might be better.  Bending him over the side of the bed from kneeling can be good if you’re worried about knocking him over with enthusiasm.

Make sure the dildo and his arsehole are well lubed, and place the head squarely against his pucker, apply gentle pressure or let him press back against the dildo at his own speed.  Once the dildo enters into him about a inch or so, pause and let him get used to the feeling.

From anal play you will hopefully got a feeling for what kind of sensations your man likes, and should be able to peg in a way that is consistent with that.  For example, some people strongly prefer the pushing in over the pulling out sensation, in which case you can just thrust forward continually, rather than pulling out and then pushing in.  A ‘reach around’ may be helpful too:

Reach around. N. The act of masturbating a sexual partner, usually while simultaneously performing another sexual act from behind, such as doggy-style or anal sex, or spooning.

As with any sexual activity, the key is to communicate continually about what is and isn’t working, as well as paying attention to his reactions, movements and the sounds he makes  Talk, talk and talk some more.

Further information

http://www.take-it-like-a-man.com/
Approaches strap-on sex as if it were an act of domination, but contains useful ‘how to’ advice

Bend over boyfriend
Instructional DVD featuring sex educators  Carole Queen and Robert Morgan, Us $34.95
http://www.fatalemedia.com/

Bendoverboyfriend.tumblr.com
Photoblog of pegging and women wearing strap-ons