The night after visiting Liberation and Floozie Me I was lying in bed with my head turning in a whirlpool of thoughts with all the things that I had seen and learned that day in only a few hours.
This was a completely new world for me. I had been in sex shops before, I had dressed myself in latex and leather, I had even spanked and been spanked before, but all that was nothing compared to what I was discovering through this new door opening in front of me. My world of sensual play was limited to blindfolds, furry handcuffs, food play and my loyal “rabbit”. Now I was discovering a whole new range of toys and equipment, and I felt like a little girl in a toyshop. I wanted everything. I wanted to play with every toy I saw, I wanted to try all the latex, PVC and leather clothes in front of me. How could I resist the temptation?
I was already in love with the aesthetics involved in BDSM. The sexy PVC costumes, the tough leather restraints, the painfully beautiful latex boots. The slappers and whips were tantalizing, I wanted to try them. I fantasized about the noise they would make on a man’s back and bottom, the marks they would leave. I couldn’t sleep for thinking about all the things I wanted to do and all the other ones that I had scored off my list because they didn’t appeal to me any more… at least not for the moment.
I started to fall asleep when an image from my childhood came into my mind. I saw myself coming back from school with a troop of boys behind me. One of them was carrying my lunch pack, the other my rucksack, another one just chatting to me. I realized that it wasn’t a dream. It was me, Anath as a very young school girl. My mother always gave me a telling off for “using” the boys, she didn’t understand that the boys would fight every day for the privilege of carrying my stuff back home. I didn’t provoke the situation. The boys in my class just felt that I was worth their attention. We were too young, too innocent to add any sexual meaning to the situation, but from an early age I was already their object of adoration. It was so long ago, that I had almost forgotten about it. Now I was ready to regain my place as the Goddess Anath that I should have ever been.
In a way BDSM takes you back to your childhood, because it allows you to play again. In a world of adults, where playing games is not allowed anymore, and fantasy is banned, the world of BDSM allows you to enact your fantasies. You can be whoever you want and play safely knowing that when the game is finished everything goes back to normal. You can play both, physical and mental games. BDSM is an exercise of imagination, a tool to self discovery because it provides a safe environment to explore your wildest fantasies. And fantasies I had, and I was ready to start exploring them…
2 COMMENTS
As a girl I remember tying up my best friend to a lamp post and telling her she will be released when she is good enough, to the horror of my mother finding her hands bound behind her back and me riding my bike around smiling away !
I think maybe even then I was a kinky madam !
B D S M is a wonderful way to rekindle the imagination and feel as free spirited as we did in younger days.
Its my drug in life.
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for sharing your memories.
I remember myself being dominant for the first time – at the age of 6 I told my friend to jump from the window. And she did! It was a 1st floor only and there was a hill of sand underneath, but still… she was scared and nearly crying, but she couldn’t resist my persuasive skills 😉 And the most important – I was finding real pleasure in the whole situation!